i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
