I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
