I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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