I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
