I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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