That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
