Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
