PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
