Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
