you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
