don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
