Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
