I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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