This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
