come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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