yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
