At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
