Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
