My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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