Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
