How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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