She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
