For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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