i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
