Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
