My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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