i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
