Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
