I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
