It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
