On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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