oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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