I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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