Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
