Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
