So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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