I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
