Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
