I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
