oh fat girl friday strikes again...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
