Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
