Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
