I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
