my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
