she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
