my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
