dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
