Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
