I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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