Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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