he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
